Also see The Dark Side of the Zodiac - another in the series of humorous looks at sun signs.
Sometimes I'm accused in my classes of being too positive about the signs. This is my effort to present the negative side of the signs in a humorous way.
This article comes from The Astrology Center of America, a site with terrific resources, especially dedicated to reprinting out-of-print astrology books. Dave Rudell says, " I clipped this from the New York Village Voice back in the late 1970's, perhaps in a February issue. On my clipping there was no title nor author given. As I later saw variations elsewhere, I have wondered if it all started with this piece in the Voice. Anyone know? Of the variations I've read, this remains the best. Read at your own risk."
I agree. This is the best version. After you have a good laugh, please visit The Astrology Center of America and learn more astrology.
Here are the Evil Twins. Do you have one, too?
AQUARIUS - Jan 20-Feb 18:
You have an inventive mind & are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand you are inclined to be careless & impractical causing you to make the same mistakes over & over again. People think you are stupid.
PISCES - Feb 19-Mar 20:
You have a vivid imagination & often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates & people resent you for your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence & are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.
ARIES - Mar 21-Apr 19:
You are the pioneer type & hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient & scornful of advice. You are not very nice.
TAURUS - Apr 20-May 20:
You are practical & persistent. You have a dogged determination & work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn & bullheaded. You are a Communist.
GEMINI - May 21-June 20:
You are a quick & intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Geminis are known for committing incest.
CANCER - June 21-July 22:
You are sympathetic & understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That's why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.
LEO - July 23-Aug 22:
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain & dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are known thieves.
VIRGO - Aug 23-Sep 22:
You are the logical type & hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold & unemotional & sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers.
LIBRA - Sep 23-Oct 22:
You are the artistic type & have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man you are more than likely queer. Chances for employment & monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are good prostitutes. All Libras die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO - Oct 23-Nov 21:
You're shrewd in business & cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.or
ROFL
(I have Scorpio Rising, I can spoof this one.
SAGITTARIUS - Nov 22-Dec 21:
You are optimistic & enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal.
CAPRICORN - Dec 22-Jan 19:
You are conservative & afraid of taking risks. You don't do much of anything & are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still too long as they tend to take root & become trees.
8.15.09 WOW. I LAUGHED ALL THRU EVIL TWINS AND DARK SIDE OF THE ZODIAC AND HAND ON HEART ITS MOSTLY TRUE. BEST ARTICLE IVE READ ONLINE SO FAR. I'M OBSESSED WITH HOROSCOPES. I'M A TAURUS LOOKING TO PREDICT THE FUTURE. I WANT TO KNOW THE FUTURE IN CASE I NEED TO GET MY GUN.....ONLY JOKING. IM OBSESSED WITH MATERIAL THINGS AND WANT TO RICH SO I CAN BUY MORE BUT IM ALWAYS GENEROUS AND WILL SHARE MY WEALTH. I KNOW IM ADMIRED BUT OFTEN NOT LIKED. I WONDER WHY??? IM ALWAYS NICE TILL YOU REALLY PISS ME OFF AND HONESTLY I DONT GIVE A xxx IF IM NOT LIKED. I KNOW THEY LOVE ME REALLY EVEN THE ONES THAT CLAIM THEY HATE ME. I DONT HAVE ANY FLAWS. I DONT SEE THEM AS FLAWS LOL. I DONT TRUST ANYONE BUT MYSELF. PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN THE xxx...LOL...BUT ALL IN ALL, THE ONLY THING I WOULD TRADE IS FOR SAGITTARUS POSITIVITY...GOSH EVEN IN A xxx HOSTAGE SITUATION THOSE GUYS ARE RELENTLESSLY POSITIVE. I'LL KILL FOR THAT. SAVE ME FROM WORRYING ALL THE TIME AND STOP MY HAIR F ROM GOING GREY, WHICH IT IS BY THE WAY AND IM ONLY 24. I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL, EVEN IF I DIE TRYING :)
8.29.2008 I read about the evil twin zodiacs and thought it was great until I read capricorns. that's the only one that wasnt true. I know a few capricorns and theyre just nuts. I would say their greatest downside is being incrediably morbid minded and sarcastic.
