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Information on this page taken from
How to Read a Man or a Woman Like a Book!
by L. A. Justice


Also visit LoveMatch
and Dating Tips for Introverts

FLIRTING TIPS

These are the right and wrong ways to show the object of your affection that you're interested in getting more personal:

Don't

  • turn away
  • scan the room
  • give a phony smile

    Do

  • lean in toward the object of your desire
  • give a genuine smile
  • focus your eyes on your subject
  • tilt the head to the side

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Is S/he Interested?

A man who is interested will ...

... hold your glance a little longer

... make eye contact, look away, then glance again in your direction. It's a sign that he wants to get to know you better.

... touch your arm, hand or shoulder lightly as you talk. The message is "I'm friendly."

... smooth his clothing or run a hand through his hair, which says, "I want to look good for you."

... lean in toward you.

... fondle a chain or cigarette. This is a sign that he wants more intimate contact.

... swagger and flex his muscles. This age-old display of masculinity is not much different than a peacock displaying his tail feathers!

... speak low so only you can hear, thus inviting you into his space and making the conversation exclusive between the two of you.

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A woman who is interested will ...

... give a sidelong glance. In this coy, flirtatious gesture, the woman stares boldly while lowering the head and tilting it away, giving the message, "I am shy, yet bold."

... wink!

... run a hand over her exposed leg, indicating that more intimate contact is welcome.

... slip a shoe off and dangle it from the toes -- or remove an earring. These "undressing" signals are very suggestive and inviting.

... touch his thigh or knee. The length of time she allows it to rest there heightens the intensity of desire. Rubbing it back and forth provides a signal that's as clear as it gets.

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HEAD TILTING

Men and women do this upon meeting. When it is accompanied by a smile, it says, "I'm a friendly person." Tilting the head while listening shows you are very interested. But a backward head tilt says, "I'm superior."

Shoulders: The shrug, raising one's shoulders, tilting the head to the side and extending the palms, says, "I give up." It's a way to show you are harmless and approachable.

Pigeon Toes: While most people don't look at the feet, standing with toes pointing inward is an inviting gesture. It's the bottom half's counterpart to the shrug.

More signals from her: These common body signals are directed toward a guy a woman find attractive.

  • parting her lips and licking them
  • stroking and flicking her hair
  • massaging her head and neck
  • crossing and uncrossing her legs
  • pointing a knee in his direction

More signals from him: These common body signs are directed toward a woman a guy finds attractive.

  • massaging his outer thigh
  • narrowing his eyes while he is talking to her
  • hooking his thumb in his belt loops
  • adjusting his cuffs, flicking dust from his jacket or smoothing his hair
  • stroking the jaw
  • rolling a glass or pen between his palms

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MORE LOVE SIGNALS

Do What I Do: unlike mirroring , which is a sitting or standing posture, isopraxism is "same behavior" -- walking in the same way, eating at the same speed or taking a sip of your drink together.

Eyelashes: This gesture is a dead giveaway that the hormones are racing. When the body is aroused, lashes flutter faster than a hummingbird's wings. Mascara and false eyelashes enhance this signal, making it impossible for a man to miss.

Self-Touching: When people are unsure of themselves in a social setting, they often wrap their arms around the torso, hugging themselves. This gesture controls anxiety. Likewise, when someone receives a romantic cue, he or she will often touch an earlobe or rub an arm, leg or the chest area.

The Smile: A simple, closed mouth smile is a courtesy and nothing more. An upper smile -- where the top teeth show -- is an invitation. An open smile -- where both top and bottom teeth show and the eyes crinkle -- is an out-and-out invitation to get sociable.

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SITTING

The Sloucher: Cuddling into a chair shows a relaxed attitude toward life. Slouchers are really saying, "I want to be held."

The Sprawler: The sprawler is an uninhibited lover who has few hangups about sex. When sprawlers sit, they take up the whole chair with their bodies inviting you in to their party.

The Ramrod: This is someone who sits at attention, back straight, knees together and feet planted firmly on the floor. If you're looking for someone who's a free spirit, look elsewhere.

The Retreater: Retreaters back into a chair as far as they can, pulling their legs back underneath them. This says, "You're going to have to work hard to make me enjoy this."

The Leg Crosser: With legs crossed and knees grasped firmly, the leg crosser is saying, "I need some convincing before this goes any further." While they may not be shy or uninterested in sex, leg crossers simply need a little more time before making a decision.

The Squirmer: People who have trouble sitting in one position for any length of time are usually athletic paramours. They clutch, squeeze and changes positions while in bed. Making love becomes a sporting event -- with everyone in the game a winner!

The Rebel: A rebel will sit in an unconventional way -- facing backwards, perching on an armrest, perhaps with a foot tucked underneath. These people often look for new and unusual places for lovemaking.

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WHEN NOT TO WASTE YOUR TIME

The Cold Shoulder: After eye contact is made, one party turns his or her back on the other. This shutting-off gestures says, "I'm not interested."

The Cut-Off: Using a more direct approach, a woman comes up to a man face-to-face. If he turns away so he is now sideways to her, the message is, "Go away." It's the same story if this happens when a man approaches a woman.

No Reaction: If you encounter a blank stare, tight lips, no smile, fluttering eyelids or fidgeting, you can bet there's no interest. The message is loud and clear, "Move on." Yet amazingly, some men and women find that attitude challenging. Instead of using their energy on someone else who might really care, they banter away trying to soften the stony face. Don't bother. [Nancy's note: They are trained by the stony indifference of a parent to think this is love.]

Freezing: This can be different than no reaction. Sometimes a likely love interest is so overwhelmed with the new attention that he or she remains immobile. Or, perhaps, there really is no interest. But how can you tell the difference? If you receive a smile,it's usually a good sign.

Tense Lips: This is a sign of displeasure. It's a natural sign of distaste and a negative social cue. If a woman's lips are pursed when a man approaches -- and she may even bite her lower lip -- the message is "back off."

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HOW TO WIN HIM/HER

Sending signals with your body language can be much more powerful than the spoken word.

  • Make eye contact. A longing look at the right moment that captures the attention of the other person should cause the heart to skip a beat. It says, "I've noticed you and I like what I see."
  • Strike a pose. But make sure your posture is open and tells the other person you're available. Turn your body completely in the direction of your target.
  • Smooth your hair. This is a signal that you want to look good for the person you are interested in. Do it when you know that person is looking your way. However, this gesture should not be overdone or you will appear vain and self-absorbed.
  • Toy with your jewelry. If you're a woman, this is a sensuous way to tell a stranger that you're ready for some fun and adventure -- and that you wouldn't mind some company!
  • Smile! There's nothing more devastatingly attractive than a friendly smile with twinkling eyes If the smile is returned, you're well on your way to romance.

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this page was last touched 9.11.2007


Nancy R. Fenn

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Comments from others on this article:

2.08.2007 I found this article very insighting and helpful for the future thank you very much for the information.

4.28.2004 Cassey "Hi, I am commenting on How to Read A Man or Woman Like a Book. I love gaining new insight on almost anything. I know of another way to tell if a man or woman is interested...their pupils. If the pupils are dilated then that person is saying they like what they see. If the pupils are very small then they would like to shut you out. All of this is true for me except if the person wears glasses or the lighting is very bright. I learned of this from Anton S. LaVey's writings." [Thanks, Cassey! Nancy]